Memories of the Qun
by Du Hjarta Skulblaka
Summary: Inquisitor Shokra's nightmares have beem growing worse since entering the Fade at Adamant fortress. Solas believes that, with the help of her fellow Inquisitor Meraad, he may be able to cure them, but it will involve delving deep into memories best left forgotten. This story follows two Inquisitors, though only one carries the mark. Set a couple of weeks after Here Lies The Abyss
1. Introduction

_Chains biting into her flesh. Faceless men with heavy horns surrounding her, judging her. Carved stone rods that spat pain when she resisted. A demon with black emptiness where eyes should have been cut lines of fire into her face then tore her from the alter, holding her limp and doll like form aloft with wicked satisfaction before tossing it into flames._

She awoke with a start, only just managing to choke back her cry of horror. Her scars ached with remembered pain, her body tight and drenched in sweat. The same dream had haunted her for weeks now, and still it left her terrified.

"Inquisitor." The softly accented voice drew her back to reality, though the fog of sleep still clung to her thoughts. She rose to sit on the unfamiliar couch, turning to face Solas. She noted his look of concern and immediately regretted coming to him.  
"You saw then." She stated gruffly, already rising to leave.  
"I did. This dream, you have it often?"

She scowled and crossed her arms. "For most of my adult life, with varying intensity. Every night and worse, since the Wardens." She could still feel that consuming terror she had experienced when she had found herself in the Fade at Adamant Fortress, and hated herself for her weakness.

"My sympathies. But you must realise that these are no ordinary nightmares, Inquisitor Shokra. You require help to-"  
"I have carried them these many years already, _basra_ , they are as much my brand as the scars upon my face. You think that you alone can remove them?" She was surprised by her own anger- she had great respect for Solas, and regardless she prided herself on her self-control.

Before she could attempt an apology, Solas continued cool and calm as ever; "Indeed so. But did Inquisitor Meraad appear in them before now? Or the Iron Bull? These would seem to be new developments, would they not?" As soon as he spoke their names she realised he was correct. She became aware that Meraad had been chained in an identical position opposite her, and that while their faces had been blank, each of the guards had had the body and horns of her lover.

Solas took her silent hesitation as acknowledgement that he was correct, and continued, "It is my belief that your dreams are adapting to fears you have developed towards them that you do not wish to face, and that our encounter in the Fade with the embodiment of terror has amplified them. I do not doubt your strength, Inquisitor, but until you resolve these fears your dreams will continue to haunt you. I am sure you can understand how this could affect your ability to command, and potentially put the whole Inquisition at risk."

Shokra grit her teeth and stared intently at a swirl of colour on the wall, as though it held ever answer. Of course he was right, and she loathed that such weakness was so obvious. Finally she grunted and nodded her head ever so slightly. "What would you suggest?"  
"I believe that given your connection to Inquisitor Meraad's mark and your own magical affinity, I will be able to guide you both simultaneously into the Fade. Not the raw Fade," he added quickly as her gaze darkened, "I would not ask that of you, given your past experiences. Rather, I would like to guide you back through your memories to establish where your fears lie. I believe that by going back and establishing the connection you shared as children, it will become easier to explore more clearly the memories that you are suppressing."

She was silent for a long moment. In truth, there was no one she would be more comfortable in undertaking something such as this with than Meraad, but there was a great many memories from her youth that she would much prefer remained buried. That, and she had no desire to return to the Fade again so soon, not even with Solas' expert guidance.

"I…will discuss it with Meraad." She eventually replied. Solas simply nodded, allowing her to leave the room in silent discomfort.


	2. Commitments

She hesitated outside of the door to her fellow Inquisitor's chambers. Her friend had her own troubles, and she was deeply reluctant to involve her in her own. For someone who had been raised as _Saarebas_ , as a 'dangerous thing', to show weakness of any sort was unthinkable. Even now, having spent more than a decade outside of the Qun, she found it difficult to rely on even those she was closest to.

There was also the small detail that she could hear their moans from the bottom of the staircase.

At last, she brought herself to knock heavily on the door. The cries stopped and were replaced by what sounded like low curses, thumps, and a call of "Just a minute!" Shokra groaned and covered her face with one hand, her fingers tracing along the curve of her horn in a small nervous tick. She was not embarrassed to be disturbing them, far from it, but she regretted the interruption. Bull had taught her the importance of having an escape from duty.

Presently, the door swung open to reveal a dishevelled Meraad. Her bleached hair was loose from its usual braids, hanging down her heavily flushed face. She wore a rough tunic and trousers fashioned from sackcloth; finding large enough clothing for the two Qunari had been difficult during their first few weeks with the Inquisition, but Meraad had decided that she rather liked what they had been able to throw together. Most revealing though was the much smaller, bright red tunic caught in one of her backwards sweeping horns.

"I, uh, sorry." she muttered, still looking a little out of breath, "We uhh, I mean, I wasn't expecting anyone."  
"I know. I did not want to disturb you but there is something we must discuss."

The taller woman smirked and shook her head a little, apparently unaware of the cloth flapping behind her head as she did so. "Andraste's tits, boss. You walk in on me almost literally with my pants down and you still manage to sound serious." She chuckled at Shokra's weary look before nodding "Alright. But you can be the one to explain it to Sera." Finally seeming to notice the red scrap dangling beside her, she carefully separated it then balled it up, tossing it over her shoulder and calling back into the room "Sorry Cookie. Serious business apparently. Put your tits away." Shokra couldn't quite make out the high pitched words that drifted down, but it was a safe assumption that none of them were pleasant.

Meraad turned away to call back to the elf, and Shokra took the opportunity to properly look at her. Though she had found something stronger with the Iron bull, it still gave her comfort to be around the other woman. Time and circumstance had pushed them too far apart to repair, but they had still been lovers once and such a connection was not easily forgotten or ignored.

Her eyes drifted inevitable to Meraad's left arm. At first the glowing mark had been a novelty, another scar for the warrior to show off. When it hadn't begun to fade, she had started covering it, first with a glove and then with a bracer in an effort to hide the green murk creeping it's way along her wrist. Now her arm was wrapped in bandages up to just above her elbow, and Shokra could see a blackened vein peeking above the highest fold. Every time she closed a rift, it inched its way a little higher. She hid it well, but Shokra had seen the silent agony etched into her face whenever she used her power. She worried that if things continued as they were, Meraad would be dead long before they managed to stop Corypheus.

Presently, Meraad turned back to face her. She noticed the look and met her gaze, her sea green eyes that had been dancing cheerfully just moments before now reflecting the fear and worry in Shokra's own. She gave a subtle, but meaningful shake of her head. Not now.  
"C'mon" she said as though nothing had happened. "Better get this over with while she's still decent."

* * *

"NO! Fuckin'…Shite! Just _no_!"

Meraad sighed heavily as she dragged her fingers through her hair. _Shit, Astaala. I picked the one person who hates the Fade even more than you._  
"Sera, this isn't exactly fucking tits and wine for me either, but-"  
"But what? She's been havin' bad dreams so your bright shittin' idea is to go _inside_ them?! Like into where _they_ live? It's not…you're not…tits! Balls, _shite_!"

Rising from the small couch, Meraad walked to the bed and wrapped her arms around Sera protectively. She had known the elf long enough to know her aggression was a way of dealing with her fear. She could feel her small hands fisting in the material of her shirt, then clawing at her skin as though she could somehow pull her away from the lurking threat.

"Sera" she murmured, "I know. The unknown scares you, and what's more fucking unknown than a dream world. It scares the crap out of me too, but…you heard her. Solas is a bit of a prick but I trust him with magic shit. And…this is for Shokra. She_"

"Right. I forgot." Her voice was muffled as she had her face buried in Meraad's chest, but she could hear her familiar teasing tone. "It's for your horny wife, yeah? Can't piss her off. Heh, horny…" Meraad grinned and grabbed her under her arms, relief blooming in her chest at Sera's excitable yelp as she lifted her into her arms and held her at eye level.  
"C'mon Cookie, you know you're the only girl for me."

They were silent for a moment, Meraad watching Sera's face as her eyes darted around, searching for the answer. Some of the others assumed Sera was slow or stupid, but she knew better; the elf just struggled to express herself sometimes, particularly when she had strong feelings. She needed time to find the right words. It was something Meraad loved about her, the way her nose scrunched up when she was thinking. At last, she met the Qunari's eyes.

"It's…it's for Scribbles, yeah? I like her. I do. She's not as serious as most Qunari and she's not as stuck up as most mages. An' I know you're close. But… _you_. I fuckin' _love_ you! I'm not gonna lose you to some stinking bad dreams! So…yeah. Go. But I'm coming too. Even if I have to just sit in Eggy's office and listen to you snoring, I want to be there, yeah?"

"Of course." Meraad answered without a second thought, "If you'll feel more comfortable, I want you there." She felt the small woman relax noticeably in her arms and leaned in to kiss her softly, When she pulled away, she had a cheeky grin that rivalled one of Sera's own. "But what was that about Qunari all being too serious? That include me?"

" _Well_ " she replied the smile mirroring on her lips, "You are always goin' on about the 'demands of the Qun', yeah?"

"Oh _really_? Come to think of it, weren't we in the middle of satisfying that demand?"

The hungry answering kiss was exactly what she needed.


End file.
